Date a Man Who Travels…Wait, What? Date?

Romance at Charles Bridge in Prague
Romance at Charles Bridge in Prague

Recently this week, we have all been bombarded by posts from all side of the arguments, whether it’s the reason why you should or should not date a girl/woman/boy/man/dinosaur who travels and it got me thinking…Date?

Seriously?

It seems to me that those articles were written by people who have never traveled intensively and are jealous of the ones who do or have already settled down in a specific location after a lifetime of traveling and are thinking about commitment.

Trust me, dating is the last thing that comes to mind for the average backpacker (unless of course you are a traveling couple, in which case, none of these articles refer to you).

The three sides of the Love Equation

When I was working in Argentina, a dear traveler friend of mine got in a relationship with a boy who didn’t travel. Suffice to say, things didn’t work out and he got jealous over the fact that she spent her holidays traveling instead of spending them with him.

“I didn’t come to Argentina to get into a relationship, I came here to study and travel” was her response. The boy couldn’t comprehend it. Most boys can’t. She made the best choice of her life by leaving him.

Another friend of mine shocked me when she told me that the reason she broke up with her boyfriend was because he wanted to travel to Europe for the whole summer and she was jealous of what he might do over there.

“But hey, by breaking up with him you basically set him free to do what he wants…even tough that wasn’t his original intent!” I told her. She was baffled and deeply regretted her choice. He never got back to her arms.

Finally, during my trip to the Jerusalem last year, I met a girl who was in a committed relationship with someone back home and yet, she still managed to have fun in the road less traveled without any worries. The best way to avoid jealousy and possessives?

An open-relationship, she told me. What the left hand doesn’t know cannot hurt it. Cold? Yes. Practical? You bet!

A Traveler’s Dating Life

Dating is such a conservative and traditional notion of modern society and we travelers are everything opposite of that. Our lifestyle consists of brief affairs with people that we meet on the road and who we are most likely never going to see again in our lives.

Is it an empty live? No. Yes. Maybe. What do you need to be happy? Stability? Money? Freedom?

We travelers are gypsies and vagabonds. Plain and simple. We will be there for you today but we probably won’t stay for going to the movies tomorrow.

We are not dating material, please understand that. Don’t try to make us to commit because it simply isn’t in our DNA.

We are free spirits who are capable of love and yes, we will fall madly for you and yet, we will be selfish enough to try our best to lure you into trying our nomadic lifestyle with us instead of adapting ourselves to your sedentary one.

And, if you are brave enough to take the risk of getting to know us, well, prepare to have the best of times when we’re together in the same city…and brace yourself for the sadness that will come when we’re not.

We are travelers, some people love us, most hate us, few comprehend us. To which group do you belong?

Romance at Charles Bridge in Prague
Romance at Charles Bridge in Prague

28 Comments

  • I absolutely love this! How strange, I’ve actually been dealing with this situation lately, so this post hit the spot! Thank you for this! I’m going to definitely show this to my lover later, maybe he’ll understand my whole “I love as I go” concept now. I have a post like this one that’s been sitting in my draft box for awhile, now I’m inspired to finish it :D

  • I definitely have a traveller’s heart. It has been hard to have relationships and basically all my relationships before my husband ended because of my travels I found it incredibly frustrating. Part of what would attract men to me was my adventurous spirit and my trips, but then once we were committed, they would suddenly expect that I would give it up. Just crazy.

    With my husband, it takes a lot of compromise. He likes to travel but not as much as me. Nearly 7 years now and we have made it work so far, so it is possible to have both as long as you can give up a bit and respect how each other has a valid point. :)

    • Well said, Sharon! I’m sure that you’re previous boyfriends were exactly like that boy of Argentina. Non-travelers just cannot understand our way of living. I’m so glad you found someone to travel along with :D

  • I have been changing countries for the past 6 years for various reasons, work, study, family, tourism. I always felt it was an impediment because just at the moment I was getting familiar with a guy and developing mutual feelings, I had to move to the next country or he had to do the same or both of us were free souls. And as you so greatly point out, few of us travellers are long-distance material :)…that is, until I met someone very special, a 100% travel soul, who could identify with our natural need for independence and pursuing our dreams of seeing the world. So there it is, I think the secret is not just to find someone who also travels but someone you can travel around the world with!!

  • This is fking stupid and self congratulating like your life is so fking cool because you travel.

    Your article wreaks of pretension and accurate describes the girl with daddy issues I dated who inspired this ‘lifestyle’ you guys got. Great stuff. Sad thing is when the ‘travel life’ gets old she’ll want to ‘settle down’ and look for someone who wants to take a washed up 30-something. If she really wants to be out of anyone’s league, then she’ll have a kid, too.

    I didn’t know ‘travelers’ were a thing until I moved to the USA and noticed how separated they made themselves to be. Whatever. My fault for falling in love with one

    /MTHFKNRANT

    • It’s quite sad that you think of your ex-girlfriend as a “washed up 30-something”, cheer up mate. I’m sure that she probably wasn’t the right person for you and you were definitely not the right person for her. Did she forced you to fall in love in her? You made your choice and she made hers, time to move on and enjoy life instead of dwelling in the past :)

      • well put :)

        i’m just upset and figured i could anonymously rant about something like that… I wasn’t forced to fall in love, however i feel i was taken advantage of because she knew I *could* love… (if that makes sense)

        your writeup is wonderful and paints a picture of a sub culture of people that exist and that enjoy their lives just as much as anyone else could.

        thanks for listening

    • Indeed! I’ve left pieces of my heart is so many different places and I don’t regret any of those experiences (alright, maybe only that time that a Cambodian tribe forced me into marriage…), it’s a big part of enjoying life in this big whole world we live in!

  • I feel so blessed to have a man who loves travel (more than), and I am sure that soon you’ll have the same. We all find that match for us, until then keep traveling and loving life xx

  • Excellent post! It definitely depends on both people, who they are, what they’ll put up with, their limits, what they want ultimately in a relationship, etc. If you’re both travel lovers, great! If one more than another, hopefully you can figure out a way to make it all work. But if it’s a deal breaker, well then they weren’t meant for you I guess. I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years so we HAD to travel to make it work so it was just built into us!

    • I can totally relate! Long-distance relationships are extremely hard, specially when none of the two parts have a completely defined plan for the future so it’s impossible to visualize an end to the long-distance situation…other than ending the relationship itself, of course.

  • Long distance relationships have their good and bad sides. The worst is that you have an instant relationship with someone. You don’t get to know each other casually. If one is getting on a plane to see the other, you aren’t going to go out to dinner and go home. You are going to be living together as basic strangers for the weekend. You also have a different knowing of each other. Like if you know your significant other is coming to visit, you may take time off work, you are going to have all your errands done, etc. You don’t get to know each other in regular daily life. It can be a culture shock if the relationship turns permanent and you discover all the quirks you never knew existed.

    • Very interesting perspective, Jennifer! Now that I think about it in hindsight, I guess that’s maybe why one of my most recent relationship failed: We met during our semester abroad and then we visited each other during holidays and never got a chance to be together during a “regular daily life”. Eye-opening, indeed :D

  • A sad pity that I gotta let go of that adventurous crush of mine….
    Insightful article nonethless. thumbs up.

  • I have been dating with aan who travel we sent two months together and sad he had to go back to his country for some reason (its about work) he said he will come back bur then reality hit him up… We been spent a few months long distance his last message seems really frustrating. Because he have to work lots of country and thinking will not back to my country for lot longer. I gave him lots motivation also I said I can come to him wherever he travel. But sadly he never reply my message back. I am still cry over him. He is very nice person and personality I ever met I was thinking he just need a little time and space to be alone. I still wondering if he will back to me one day but who knows.. I move forward.
    So in the end is depends on the person. If they want to be together there’s no reason to break up.. There’s always a way..

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